The Dictionary Just grew by a few definitions today as 3 Satang our new contributor (who is not very Gay) sent a few in.
Billy Goat:
Katoi (ladyboy)
Dancing Goat:
Non prostitute goat that dances but doesn’t shag for money ie not a whore (but some say that all women are whores???). Name first applied to Goats dancing at Funky Do Jo bar in Patpong. (Our current favourite bar).
Free Range Goat:
Free Lance Prostitute ie not one that is owned or affiliated to any bar.
Goat (s):
Asian girls including but not exclusively prostitutes normally Rice Farmers daughters ie from a village background.
Goating:
The pursuit of Goats for sex , the sport of goating.
Jimmy’s Goat:
Anyone having be ploughed by the said Hibernian
Overgoat:
When covered by goats to the point of needing to move because too hot. Normally occurs in a Go-Go Bar.
Rangy Goat:
Skinny Goat that looks a bit lanky with gangly type legs.
Float Your Goat :
Used to depict your perception or ‘love’ of a goat after becoming intoxicated.
‘Goat Fever’
An occassionally tragic but enjoyable state of wellbeing which affects the sanity and sexual behaviour of men after a few drinks leading them to go on a hunt for suitable candidates.
‘Ralphism’
A condition which occurs when intoxicated. One behaves outrageously, usually annoying everyone around them only to wake up the next day to have no recollections of the previous nights crimes.
Goatism
The term used for the study and comparison of goats.
‘Goatropolis
An area heavily infested with goats.
‘Goatation
Commonly used phrases used by goats like ‘Me Love Only You’…’Hullo… Welcome’…. ‘Hullo Sexy Man’…. to lure us into their places of work or better yet their beds. Ploughing a goat in their rickety dwellings is especially fun, the finest experiences in wooden huts by the side on Klongs. (Ask Homer)
July 8th, 2008
Deciding as to whether or not a particular name is offensive or not surely must depend a lot on context. It is ok for a black guy to call his friend a nigger but offensive if a non black guy uses the so called ‘N’ word.
Is the word ‘farang’ offensive? As I am the most politically incorrect creation that was ever shat into existence should I really care? You make your own mind up. If using a name to describe a person by race and stereoptypical beliefs is offensive to you like “Nigger, Spick, Wop or Kike” then I reckon ‘Farang’ is offensive. If not I suggest you are a biggot.
The Farang is a white man. The name does not apply to other races and is never used to describe just a foreigner as so many people state.
The Farang appears in advertisements here, unable to consume spicy food and of course always wanting to fight. The Thais are quite amazed when they see that Da Wizard can eat spicy food and always comment in wonderment as to his ability to consume Thai food. Thais forget that it is not us; the cosmopolitan well traveled who are limited in their ability to eat food.
When they hear Ralph talking to Da Wizard in her native Asian tongue they always assume that she is speaking French. The Nigger couldn’t possibly have learned another language!!! How scary a multi lingual Nigger would be?
DW was climbing out of his pool yesterday and a local kid who shares the same cave complex was smiling at him. The pool attendant pointed and educated the aforementioned Rug Rat ‘Farang Farang!!’ The Rat just looked and smiled his first lesson in racism complete.
Nigger or Farang take your pic! You choose too as to whether you wish to be offended by the terms. I think there are more important things in the world to worry about that than just now!!
June 17th, 2008
I had to think a while before making this post but it needs to be said. Paul was someone whom we knew. He partied too hard too often and thought that Goats were the things that wives were made of.
Paul’s goat (the horizontal freshly murdered one) was prone to Goat behaviour and as such would sleep with anyone for money or just for fun. Paul found out ,topped her and then himself. We haven’t seen Paul for over a year and he was NQ from our posse for just being too Nuts.
Don’t really know what else to say but it is sad he didn’t make Google News and well Paul if you can get the Web where you are….. “we told ya so mate”.
September 5th, 2007
Kris Akabousi sat in the lobby of a Liverpool nightclub, drenched in beer. Hit with the ever familiar feelings of shame and self pity Kris thought enough was enough - he couldn’t rely on celebrity cameos for the rest of his life. It was time to move on.
5 years later and Kris is enjoying life once more. He put his spade down, casually tossed his cap upon his head and skips on, fulfilled after a day working the field of a small Missouri farm.
Kris has rediscovered his athletic form from his labors - his shirt hugs his perfectly formed guns and his shoulders impress. His skin is black and leathery and is glazed by the sunlight that rains upon him.
“Well done Kris”, calls out his employer, Mr Sawyer who watches on admiringly as Kris departs. “Alriiiiiigh” he exclaims, reeling his arm in a wheel-like motion. Kris loves nothing more than praise from Mr Sawyer.
Intoxicated with happiness, Kris heads home his usual route. Looking up after picking a handful of dasies, Kris notices a figure watching him from a cabin doorway. Thinking little of it he tips his cap and says “ma’am” with a smile.
“Excuse me misser, could you help me ou’ jus’ one minut?” comes the gentle voice of the young white girl. There she stood, a ribbon in her hair, a girl Kris hadn’t seen before. Always pleased to help, Kris steps in the cabin after her.
“Damn foolin’ kids always leavin’ stuff lying here-there-anywhere. Be a dear and grab me tha’ book from top that there cuppbor” “I wudda got the kids go done do it therselv’ but i sent ‘em off for popsicles, my treat!”
Kris complies and enthusiastically grabs a stool, stepping on. Overwhelmed by desire the seemingly innocent girl tears away at Kris dungaries as he looms over her. They crumple to a heap on the floor and before he can react, the girl begins devouring his mammoth floppy piece.
Like a youthful Akabousi off his starter blocks - he leaps to a long, hard attention. He grabs the girl by her hair. She loves the rough touch of the burly black man.
Not content with the girl’s poor oral technique Akabousi withdraws, kicks the stool away, rips of the girls cotton dress and garters and pounds her on the floor. An hour later and Akabousi stands, looking down on the girl. She is exhausted and content after a good boning.
He reaches for the book and reads her a line, “people in their right minds never take pride in their talents”. He closes the book and turns. Tipping his cap he pats her fanny, whispering “awooga”, sofly in her ear.
May 25th, 2007
Akabusi scaled the walls of the £756,000 Sussex mansion with all the stealth of a gekko on a Mallorcan shower wall. AS luck would have it the window was open. He dropped in and slipped out of his dungerees and let the cool air caress his polished ebony skin.
The house was quiet. He looked into one room and saw the sleeping Peter Andre - without the wig and wax on his face he was rather beautiful. But Akabusi wasn’t into arses. Not today.
He heard a noise coming from the bathroom. He ran along the landing, his giant cock swinging in the air like Saddam on Youtube. He looked into the bathroom and saw a mad little f**ker, big as a barrel and blind as a bat leaping up and down in some boiling water.
“Akabusi!” said a voice behind him. “Stop looking at my son with your cock out”.
Akabusi slowly turned around and saw Katie Price in front of him - wearing nothing but a Juicy Couture camisole and the slightest glistening of her ample clunge.
As ever Akabusi’s cock became harder than the Guardian cryptic and proceeded to bang her tits off as Harvey ate a bag of Prawn Cocktail crisps from the floor that Akabusi had brought just in case.
Before Akabusi left he wiped his now dying cock on Harvey’s afro, bent down to the prone Jordan, who lay liked a painter’s radio in the moonlight, and whispered “Awooga” in her ear and patted her on the fanny.
The End
May 25th, 2007
I dreamed I had an interview with God. “So you would like to interview me?†God asked.
“If you have the time†I said. God smiled.
“My time is eternity.†“What questions do you have in mind for me?â€
“What surprises you most about humankind?â€
God answered… “That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.â€
“That they lose their health to make money… and then lose their money to restore their health.â€
“That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.â€
“That they live as if they will never die, and die as though they had never lived.â€
God’s hand took mine and we were silent for a while.
And then I asked… “As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons you want your children to learn?â€
“To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved.â€
“To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.â€
“To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.â€
“To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them.â€
“To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.†“To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings.â€
“To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.â€
“To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.â€
“Thank you for your time,” I said humbly.
“Is there anything else you would like your children to know?”
God smiled and said, “Just know that I am here… always.†-author unknown
April 4th, 2007
“Mr Akabusi, please come in” said the secretary as she adjusted her horn rimmed glasses and felt the sudden rush of blood to her clunge.
Akabusi strode into the room like a Titan with a clown face. His eyes were drawn to the secretary’s tight black pencil skirt and loose white blouse, through which he could see a straining white bra and within that a pair of massive bristols.
“I’ve come to fix your pipes” announced Kriss with his deep barotone timbre filling the room like spunk filling a vagina after after a ten year prison sentence.
The secretary quickly sat on the desk and unhooked her tight Croydon facelift hairdo unleashing waves and waves of lush brown hair.
Akubusi dropped his dungerees and let his throbbing member fall to the ground. As he spied the secretary’s glistening axe wound his cock stood to attention quicker than a Chelsea Pensioner at the Cenotaph.
He then banged her. And banged her. And banged her. Until the secretary was like a floppy doll covered with spunk.
As Akubusi wiped his now flacid python on some company stationery he whispered “Awooga” to the naked secretary and patted her on the fanny.
The End
April 2nd, 2007
I’m going to play the devil’s advocate here and describe the worst possible terrorist attack scenario that could happen: A multiple city nuclear attack on US soil. I’m not saying this is what will happen. But it is what could happen. If I make those tasked with the responsibility of ensuring your safety think about it, this is a start. And if it gets the emergency services planning how to deal with terror attacks plan for the worst, perhaps this will help save a lot of lives. Most of all, I hope to make you start thinking about the unthinkable.
Leave aside the Iraq and Iran issues for the moment. I don’t believe they are where the real threat lies. The rhetoric coming out of Washington trying to paint Iran as the devil sounds too much like the lying justifications they trotted out for starting the Iraq war. No, I think the real threat comes from Afghanistan. With the resurgence of Al Queda in Afghanistan, rumors are surfacing that predict a nuclear attack in America. How credible is this threat?
Al Queda is training more terrorists right now. Soon, there will be dozens, if not hundreds, of fanatics ready to die for their lost cause. They will be ready to bring the war to America. And that attack will most likely be nuclear. What better way to inflict the most harm? After 9/11, only a nuclear attack could be more devastating.
Ever since 9/11 it has been glaringly obvious to everyone that the emergency services in the US are woefully ill prepared for almost any emergency involving more than a few dozen people. Worse, they don’t have contingency plans ready for a terrorist nuclear attack.
Before I go into that, let’s examine what form a nuclear attack will take.
We tend to think of nuclear bombs like those in military arsenals. Getting or building one of those is no easy task. Even the Iranians, given a head start back in the 1950’s by the US, have not been able to produce enough fissionable material needed to produce a bomb. The terrorists don’t have access to the sophisticated machinery or facilities needed to make a real nuclear wepon. Their only chace is to steal one, or buy one on the black market; not an easy task.
But the terrorists don’t need a real military-style nuclear bomb. They just need to make a nuclear explosion. And for that, all they need is a few ounces of nuclear material.
It’s easy enough to build a small, ‘dirty’ bomb. No need for a sophisticated device. The terrorists will have to smuggle in the nuclear material to America; they don’t need much. They will also have to build the bomb in America, so they will need to use easily available materials. If they can create a simple bomb loaded with nuclear material, even degraded materials will do, that would be enough.
The bomb need only be big enough to distribute the nuclear material in the explosives so that it is blown out and onto the wind where it can spread far and wide. The easiest way to do this is to pack a small plane with the bomb material and explode it a few thousand feet or so above a city. It is unlikely that they would explode just one plane over a city, either. They will probably explode at least 4 or more to ensure wide coverage. Their aim will be to inflict as much damage and suffering as possible, and to sow fear and terror in the populace. There will be no warning. They will just explode their bombs. Once the nuclear material drifts down onto the populace, the real terror will start.
We have already seen that they are capable of coordinating several teams for the attack on the Twin Towers. They have had more than enough time since then to plan their next attack. The 9/11 attack was bad enough. It has already sapped too much confidence and strength from the American people. Imagine what a coordinated nuclear attack on several US cities would do.
Given this scenario the next question is, where will they explode the bombs?
Letting off a single bomb would be terrifying. But letting off bombs in 5 or 6 cities would be devastating. What US cities would make the best targets then?
My guess is New York city, Washington DC, Chicago, Miami, Dallas, Las Vegas and Los Angeles: New York because it is the financial center, and the very ‘heart’ of the US. It is also compacted into a small enough area that any bombs would effectively destroy Manhattan Island and seriously affect the surrounding areas. Millions of people would die. They wouldn’t die all at once. In fact, the initial number of dead will be small in any explosion. But as the nuclear affected dust spreads, the numbers of dead and seriously ill will grow rapidly.
Washington is an obvious choice. Kill the seat of power, and you kill the country.
Chicago and surrounding areas are thickly populated. Millions would die there. Kill Chicago and you kill the US car industry. No cars, no demand for oil, and the terrorists would get their wish to return to their medieval lifestyle while America sinks into chaos and oblivion.
Miami could be a target because so many people flock there. It also has a reputation as a vice-ridden city, and the terrorists are all moral people who want to stop us enjoying our lives, aren’t they?
An attack on Dallas, the center of the oil industry, would seriously affect America’s oil industry and probably stop the country’s reliance on oil. This would take the country back to the dark ages, something the terrorists fully understand.
Las Vegas and Los Angeles are both seen as centers of sin and vice. If the terrorists want to reinforce their point, they have to target these two cities.
Can America Cope? Would it Recover?
As it stands now, emergency services would not be able to cope at all. Where are the plans for this type of attack? Has anyone undergone any training to deal with huge numbers of people afflicted with nuclear maladies? What about hospitals or emergency treatment stations? Who is responsible for organizing this type of emergency response?
The first step would be to try and clean up the radioactive material. This will be extremely difficult. The explosions will pulverize it and spread it in a fine dust for miles around. It will drift down and lodge everywhere and anywhere.
People and animals out in the open will inhale it. These will be the first casualties. As more people are exposed to affected surfaces, they will also fall ill and die. The wind will drift the fine nuclear particles over a wide area. It will be impossible to find it all, so the effects will be cumulative for a long time to come.
Recovery? Perhaps, but those left behind would face a vastly different future than the one we all love and enjoy now. It would be very dangerous to step outside without being fully covered, and then undergoing decontamination before stepping inside again.
Solutions?
There is a simple solution, but so far none of the politicians in Washington has even mentioned, much less discussed, how to go about it.
We all know that the terrorists are hiding out and training in the eastern regions of Afghanistan and the Pakistani border. General Musharraf claims to be against terrorism. He knows where the terrorists are, but he is doing very little to combat them. Bush is afraid of upsetting Musharraf, so nothing gets done. This just gives the terrorists even more time to perfect their plans.
The obvious solution is to send fleets of bombers into the areas where the terrorists are and bomb them flat today. No quarter given. These people are all terrorists, even if most of them are not actively participating in the war. If they are supporting the terrorists, they must take the consequences
Women and children will be killed as well you say, throwing your hands up in horror at the idea?
Think about this. Those very same women are the wives and mothers of the terrorists. They believe in the same agenda. Their children will grow up to believe the same thing and continue the terror. These people are like a cancer on mankind. There is only one way to treat a cancer. You cut it out and eliminate it from the body using whatever method is the most effective.
So what if Musharraf bleats and complains? If he was really serious about his promise to stop the terrorists he would have taken severe action already. He hasn’t, so let him complain!
The US already has the planes and bombs in place in the Persian gulf. But instead of allowing Bush to start a war with Iran, we must demand that he sends the bombers after the terrorists. The bombs must keep on falling until every last man, woman, and child terrorist is dead. There can be no half measures in this war. Then send in the troops to secure the area and provide aid so that poverty is eliminated and ordinary people have a chance to lead better lives.
A More Effective Long-term Solution
Why have so many Muslims turned to terror in the last 30 years?
There is no simple answer to this, but there are some obvious reasons.
The biggest problem is America’s continuing blind support for Israel. The Arabs see this as a grave injustice. The Israelis are constantly belligerent. They have been attacking Arabs ever since their country was born. The Americans supply sophisticated weapons to the Israelis so that they can ‘protect’ themselves. But protect themselves from what? Gangs of stone-throwing youths? Gunmen with small arms or rockets? Human bombs? Sure, the Arabs are doing this, but what about the Israelis? They use the latest weapons supplied by the US to kill Arabs indiscriminately. And once they occupy a Palestinian area they move in and bulldoze the Palestinian’s homes so that they have nowhere to live.
Imagine if the Israelis lived next door to America and they kept on doing this, wouldn’t Americans fight back with everything they have? Wouldn’t Americans be angry?
The second problem is that most Arab states have paternalistic, strong governments that keep the common people down and poor. Even though many Arab countries have unimaginable wealth very little of it filters down. Everywhere you look in the Arab world you see poverty, a lack of basic amenities, and no social services to help their citizens.
Saudi Arabia, America’s strongest ‘ally’ in the Middle East, is the worst offender in this regard. Yet, because it has so much oil, the American government turns a blind eye to the barbaric methods the Saudi’s employ to govern their people. The executioner with his sword is lauded publicly on TV for the wonderful job he is doing chopping off people’s hands and heads.
Women are treated like animals. They are not allowed to drive, or even to venture outside unless the man of the house gives them permission. They must cover themselves from head to toe when they do go out.
The religious police are everywhere, watching to make sure that everyone abides by the strict rules imposed on them by their dissolute rulers under the guise of religious purity. Yet, many of those same rulers act totally depraved when they leave their own country. They go to places like Pattaya in Thailand, or Amsterdam, where they hire prostitutes and drink themselves senseless every day.
These are the real problems that face the Arabs. This is why the Arabs are angry, and why they see America as the Great Satan. Because Americans don’t know and don’t care.
It’s time for Americans to wake up and start demanding a major shift in political policy. Instead of wasting all the money currently being spent on arms and men to fight in Iraq, funnel the money to the Arabs instead. But not to their governments. The money must be spent on helping the poor. It must be used to encourage self-sufficiency and a desire for freedom from tyranny. Once the Arabs see their lives improving, they will demand more from their leaders. Eventually, social and political changes will encourage a better life for all instead of the select few in power.
Before this can happen, though, the American people need to educate themselves on what is going on in the Arab world. They need to go there and see for themselves. Perhaps a new and revitalized Peace Corps would be the first step. Send young Americans out to work with the people and learn for themselves. With knowledge comes power, and that power could be channeled towards building a better world.
America is running out of time, and out of options. Even now, the terrorists are plotting another attack. The current Bush government has been a disaster. Yet, despite this, the politicians would rather sit on their hands and do nothing than implement impeachment. There is only one choice if America is to withstand the assaults on its freedoms from within and without. The American people must wake up, open their eyes, and determine to become the true torchbearers for democracy and freedom they once were.
If we do this, there will be no need to worry about preparing for a nuclear holocaust on American soil. So what’s it to be? The decision is yours. Make sure your Congressman knows that you want a safe America, and a safe world.
February 23rd, 2007
Recent events in Thailand have created a deep feeling of resentment, unease, and distrust among people. Not only foreigners, but Thais also are upset. The Thais are generally a happy-go-lucky people. They smile throughout adversity. They don’t worry too much about tomorrow. As long as they are happy now, they say Mai Pen Rai to the future.
But not these days. Many Thais have mentioned to me that they are unhappy. They have no reason to smile any more. They feel insecure. Even though the government has been concentrating their attention on the foreigners, Thais are feeling the effects anyway. The economy has slowed down so badly that it’s hard for them to make money. Many are returning to their homes upcountry as they lose their jobs. I doubt things are going to get better any time soon.
With the new changes to the Foreign Business Act (FBA) currently under consideration, a lot of companies with foreign directors are going to face severe problems when the act passes. Either they will have to restructure and lose their ability to manage their own business. Or they will have to close up shop and leave the country. There doesn’t seem to be any alternative. I can’t see too many foreign owners giving up their companies to Thais. That means a lot of small to medium sized companies will fold, leaving their Thai staff jobless.
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February 13th, 2007
The Foreign Business Act (FBA)
There has been a lot of speculation on changes to the Thai Foreign Business Act and how it will affect land purchase by foreigners. Before I explain what the changes are, it might be a good idea to look at why the Thai government is preparing to make these changes.
All this came about because ex-Prime Minister Thaksin sold parts of his telecommunications company to Temasak Holdings from Singapore. Using a loophole in the law, he didn’t pay any taxes. This raised the ire of the people and led to his downfall. The government is determined to close this loophole so that another Temasak deal will never be possible. But that’s a bit like throwing out the baby with the bathwater. I think the end result will be a disaster for the Thailand property market. Foreign property investors will be shut out. An end to the income from land sales will have a severe impact on the economy and on ordinary Thais. Let’s face it, foreigners have been the driving force in the growing property market up to now.
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February 5th, 2007
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